Your brother just informed me that half a mouthful is a unit of measurement. I love talking to members of your family.
as they left, you opened the door, dropped your pants then yelled "don't leave, this is what you're missing"
I've spent the last three hours watching 30 rock and eating marshmallows and ham. I'm considering taking up weed to justify my lifestyle.
Legit I think I might have gotten hepatitis C from licking the window of that last cab.
I just had some guy offer to eat me out on my lunch break... I think single life is getting better everyday
Last two new years I ended in jail by 12. Can we wait until its actually 12:02 this time to do something stupid. I'd like to spend the first minute of 2012 free.. At least.
Tonights drinking will be celebratory and victorious. Picture the end of The Mighty Ducks set to beer.
It's a pretty amazing thing to watch... He used "Rad tits" as his pick up line of the night. And it worked... 3 times
He told me "it wants a kiss" WHY HAS THIS HAPPENED WITH 2 DIFFERENT PEOPLE.
I decided staying home, watching porn and masterbating was a much better choice than the gym. And I was right.
Dude I just came exactly at the crescendo of the Catalina wine mixer duet from step brothers.. Advance to next level.
It's true. There would need to be A LOT of data collection. Aka, dick-catching. I volunteer as tribute.
we didn't have sex though. because i have the will power of an ox.
I am downtown smoking a joint with Woody Harrelson...Because our car won't start. I will be there as soon as I can.
Pray for me.. I'm like the lonely vagina in a sea of sworming dicks
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