I am engaged
To a real live girl that has met me
he saw my "i like bacon" magnet on the fridge and i told him how much i love meat, then we started making out
what a beautiful fairy tale
i keep telling myself in the mirror "get undrunk"
i'm at sigma nu and gary is here. what do it do?
Stay away from his face.
so i go for his dick?
I couldn't tell if he was hitting on me or if he was just mentally challenged.
we're out of white wine, toilet paper and windex... too hard to explain via text
I only wish the guy being lead around by his cock at the drag show was the weirdest part of my night.
I am as serious as getting herpes in Mexico...
What do herpes have to do with anything?
I can't tell if I have the Pizza Hut shits or beer shits
Dressing as mugato from zoolander Halloween you may want to be the hand model. We can get you a fish bowl filled with Clementine Vodka and soda you can put your hand in.
We need to talk about your improper dealings with the town drug dealer.
Can you please stop having such an active social life? I'm tryna get fucked over here
I'm a fuck boy trapped in a single mom's body.
u better not lose ur virginity to a sugar daddy who doesn’t post a pic of himself to tinder
Was cussing out our DD when one of the strippers takes him backstage. WTF
They call him magic hands is all I know.
Somethings are best left a mystery
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