he drunkenly confessed to whacking off before coming over so the sex'd be longer. this one's a keeper
i totally forgot about the coupon that said i would show him how i pleasure myself.
You tried to tell me you weren't high while you were eating French onion dip out of the jar with a spoon
I just had to tell her that no she really doesnt need to sneak pizza from mcmurrays out in a plastic bag for me later
Wait wait wait. I remember riding in her car to the next bar. On your lap. With my head on the dashboard. That probably should have been my cut off point.
I just saw my first passed out person, sprawled out on the sidewalk like they died. I wanted to take a pic but I thought that screamed "tourist"
Well who could blame her. I would run away from me if I could.
Somehow it went from suicide to pierced nipples. I think we're good.
Wearing scrubs to buy plan b so I look like I have my life together.
you were passed out so I asked you what my name was and you opened your eyes and yelled "ricotta cheese"
no way
that's when i decided you were gonna be okay
I had a dream about a vibrator with 42 different settings. If that's not a good indication I need to get laid, I don't know what is
well apparently i was just calling everyone cunts. then i awoke from my blackout to 3 very mad roommates who didn't bring a key out with them
My friend had to carry her up the steps on his shoulder, and then she got up, found an ironing board and set it up in my friend's room just in case he needed to iron things.
*6am blends another margarita* *615am blends straight tequila*
He thought it would be sexy if he found my clothes and dressed me, and it was..until he found a thong under his bed and assumed it was mine. It wasn't
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