Someone shit on the floor
He's paying me $45 to clean his room and $55 if i find the oxy that he lost.
Ladystoner tip: if eyes are bloodshot, lime green eyeliner makes them appear less red. its basic artt.
Your last day of twenties? OK. Then I'll give you til midnight. Then you turn into a pumpkin. A big, 30 year old pumpkin.
I don't know what to be prouder of: the fact that last night i was able to successfully find my way home from evanston with 3-d glasses on, or that i was able to make my way around my house in the dark with my pants around my ankles
Topenga is going to be back on TV. Finally my fantasy of her being a milf in junior high has come full circle.
I may or have may not just taken a swig out of a jar of alfedo sauce in my fridge. Dont judge me
He was too drunk, and my mother and I ended up babysitting him. He told her I have amazing mouth skills, and that I love the "chorizo" he feeds me. All she said was "And on the list of 30 things you never want to hear about your daughter..." while gripping the steering wheel.Please just fucking kill me now.
I couldn't find pants for like 20 minutes so I was butt ass naked just sitting on your floor
Can't decide if it was more awkward buying sheets together or disposing of them afterwards
I like that you use a Disney movie to describe the starting of our BDSM relationship, lmao
I'm starting to think my emotional health is declining because I was watching transformers today and legit almost started crying
I just ate part of my sock, this has got to stop.
And I broke things off with Justin last night. Except I texted him while he was asleep and then I was like well, that's probably not what he wants to wake up to, so I sent him a picture of the coconut I microwaved and caught on fire when I was really high one time.
So I realize somewhere between mildly irritated and outright belligerently pissed is where you are, but as to location, where are you?
Randomize
