Fuck. I have a girl here waiting on me in my room! I told her I was going to get a drink of water... I'm in the bathroom taking a dump... I have mudd butt bad... There's NO toilet paper!!
just took a cab, driver just asked what i'd been drinking- i said vodka, he said "can't do vodka-drunk, it makes me feel like i'm giving birth to myself" ...no comment
she started talking about my kids
was she topless?
Do you ever just think "I could really go for a good 30 minute blowjob". I do. Everytime jill smiles.
You stood next to him taking HUGE gasps of air in an attempt to second hand smoke his cig because you didn't have one...
I maybe just had sex outside in broad daylight. At a state park. Please be proud.
You told the cop at mobil to keep it real and look both ways before crossing the street.
The important thing is not that we avoid making mistakes, but that we avoid learning from them.
So... Apparently, "Home" isn't the correct response when a cop asks for your address...
Why would you hook up with someone whos known for peeibg in someones mouth
Well, I watched a girl proposition a shit ton of people, try to take a cocktail waitresses job and then proceed to walk into a wall. Damn, I'm a little jealous.
Just to let you know... If you ever want to get me a gift, the One Direction perfume comes out soon....... It's called Our Moment. It's an appropriate gift for a 25 year old woman.
He took my virginity but also my remaining pizza. i dont know how to feel right now.
The night got interesting when the random guy next to us handed us a bottle of champagne and the rest of his ciroc bottle. When we asked why he did it, he proceeded to point at his friend who face planted the floor.
He’s got a big dick and a big ego. This could be fun
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