First, he can't make me cum.. And now, he can't get it up because he LOVES me?!!??! i don't think so.
Dude I totally just watched a girl put a tampon soaked in vodka up her vag
I need new friends
what has two thumbs and is going to bang you boss on monday?
can your parents tell?
i just had a cookie in one hand and a phone in the other and tried to eat my phone...they know
Its going to be drunk as shit/pirate themed. Im dressing as the former.
I'm gonna fingerblast you when you get off work. Get ready.
Ummm didn't i have pubes when i went to bed last night?
according to last night, I underestimated the size of my mouth and the possibilities of what can fit into it.
Spent the majority of my senior year drunk. Graduate of 2011, I think 2011. Probably.
my ass is still wet. this is highly unpleasant. give me 5 to get changed and I'm all yours. or you can yell things to me while I shower and burn clothes
I'm in Home Depot and I can feel the straight bob the builders staring at me. I bet it's like I have a rainbow arrow pointing at me.
Timehop reminded me that 4 years ago today I helped a one armed man do the YMCA by being his other arm.
Nobody's dick fell into my mouth tonight
You poured all their beer into ziploc baggies so it would be "better on the go"
You let the ASEXUAL teach sex Ed?!
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