I'm at his house. He has VELCRO shoes. I'm too desperate to leave...I may need help in thee life dept
I want to make Jon&Kate babies with him. Not in quantity, but in percentage asian.
I knew shit got real when the pinapple was gone and people were just passing around the core and gnawing on it.
Judging by the hole in the wall by the door, the mis-matched shoes by the door, and the door hanging off one hinge... i'd say he's on the loose.
I'm trying to spell out I love you with a series of photos of my penis, but I just realized I can't do the Y of you
It is 9pm, let the ass parade to the bars begin
So me and him are making out, and the other two are on the couch behind us. he randomly stops kissing me and goes "oh god I think she just took off her shirt" I look behind me and I see her tits flapping up and down. This man has amazing senses..
I think I need a restraining order. I had 15 "selfies" of him on my camera roll......my phone has a lock code on it.
Just remembered I railed lines while holding a puppy
the best part of christmas was when my mom opened the handcuffs that were supposed to be for jen. Surprisingly, not the most awkward situation of the day.
You stopped making out with some rando guy to tell him you weren't sure about your sexuality then proceeded to follow me down the street to make out with me
As much of a hooker as I am you don't slam where you drink
FUUUCK. sunburned vagina. this is the worst day ever. i'm not leaving my room until it peels.
Thinking and hoping ice cream is the answer to my problems
And then he peed in my hair
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