insurance, jail, and birth control were made for people like us.
Its not christmas eve unless I give him head. I wont take no for an answer
How would u feel about transportimg a penis shaped ice luge to nashville?
He wouldn't give me a cup of water for my bong so i sat in the drive thru to run up the timer until he gave it to me.
So another one of your girlfriends from middle school had a baby. Thank god you are gay, otherwise you would definitely be a dad by now.
I got to see a stripper that did magic last night. It was glorious.
If making out with three guys at once at a Kesha concert while simultaneously smearing glitter all over yourself doesn't convince her you're gay, nothing will
I just fist bumped God in my head for last night. What a bro.
Men are too sensitive. They need to learn to handle me.
I helped you wax your vagina and you won't even get me Corn Nuts you fucking bitch?
It might look like I curled my hair last night but it's just the jiz.
I agree with that homeless guy though, you do need a haircut
My hookup from last weekend apparently got arrested today... his roommate just tagged me on facebook asking for bail money.
You were like a drunk and unconscious tickle me elmo.
She called me at 2am crying because her late night booty call moved out of state
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