I'm sorry for everything. i woke up with two citations stapled to my shirt.
he said i look beautiful when i cum. i think i'm in love.
I'm currently imdbing Helena Bonham Carter to see if there are any pictures of her that don't scare the crap out of me.
Good luck with that.
My friend is getting herself a tramp stamp that says "property of the half blood prince".
My own mom unfriended me on Facebook.
I worked with a girl tonight that recognized me solely from a keg stand she witnessed me do sophmore year. Needless to say this made my night
she blew me in the men's room in the restaurant. it was a french bistro, so it was okay
This guy needs to come out; I can feel him sucking my dick from across the room.
Just be happy that you're the pretty friend. Otherwise you would have had to walk home alone, like me.
My mom just looked at me while watching the fireworks and asked if it reminded me of how I felt after sex. I'm so uncomfortable.
I'm sorry I did drugs then got really loud and bitchy at your party and judged your choice in one night stands.
The feeling I get when I hear beer bottles clinking must be what children feel when they hear sleigh bells on Christmas Eve
maybe if I avoid him long enough we could skip the talking part of "we need to talk"
Yes please. My parents would fucking love him and I'd love fucking him. That's a win-win if I've ever seen one.
My boss spotted an injured PIGEON outside the front door this morning (at 3:30am) and requested that I catch it and take it to the vet. Catch it with what! Take it where!These requests have gone too far...
Randomize
