i hope your v-card owns a pair of floaties
She just sent me a txt where every word ended in "zzz", with about a hundred "!!!" and called herself "juicezzz". I need back up.
I thought Christmas was going to come before I did
Ignoring the crisis im in. Sitting in the front yard in a kiddie pool. Wearing arm floaties, fins and a snorkel. Waiting for a hot guy to walk by.
It's like she can't drink without using a flambongo
he may or may not have motorboated me on the steps of the library of congress
Do you know how to get blood out of tile grout?
It's 1:26 and I have already found 5 fruit flies between 3 separate glasses of wine. This is supposed to be a summer problem. Fucking global warming.
We were kinda loud so his roommate woke up and to make up for it he invited him to a threesome. I can't drink whiskey anymore.
Twice. I only peed my pants twice tonight.
I wrote myself a letter, like I think drunk me wants to be pen pals or something
I renamed some of my contacts in my phone before passing out and I have one I cant figure out, its "fucking house elf scum"
Open the door and I will lure them out to freedom with viagra and candy orange slices. You know they love that shit.
i just remember that i was on top of him and he wasnt contributing to the event much.. god i hope he wasnt asleap.
when part of the plan includes getting high, i usually forget how the rest of the plan goes.
Randomize
