This is clearly one of those "A hole's a hole" situations
Friends don't let friends talk to people who live in Orlando. Sorry I've failed you.
Its not small because its small, Its small because it was cold outside
I just took the soap out of the bathroom and hid it... this way I could see if she would say anything. you know, to see how clean she was
I've been very busy/drunk lately... Sorry.
I put an asterick after the names of people in my phone that I've fucked. Both as a form of bragging, and also so I can actually remember all their names.
I will no longer accept being cock blocked in my own bed.
I just learned a new drink. Sloppy Ninja. Half Saki Half Nyquil
There's Dick Pix, Zorro, and The Little Engine that Could. I nickname my fuck buddies for the exact same reason why you don't name animals which you will one day have for dinner.
You also once spent an entire hour explaining the origin of the strip steak to me.
Of all the kinds of relationships I've had in my life, I'd have to say, lab-partner-with-benefits takes the fuckin cake
Like I could say no to two hot people already naked and fucking. Please. I'm not made of stone.
Twice?!
Butt Stuff 2016 unites us all
There were firefighters and a fire truck up the street. I asked what was wrong and their exact words were "Just a tiny explosion; it'll be all right"
It's a combination of amazing uncoordination, bad luck, and sheer determination to cause destruction wherever I go.
Randomize
