So explain to me again how you wake up next to a Brazilian model and I wake up next to a turkey sub? And a jar of grey poupon.
my mouth smells like i just ate out a crab.
He just seriously used the word "skeet." Can we please find another way to get weed?
No. Take one for the team.
well he's currently spooning the coffee table
I've decided I'm just gonna keep drinking til the baby bump shows...
She kept screaming "best case scenario"
If it was designed to hold water, it was designer to hold wine
Too drunk to talk to museum staff. So much for proper wednesdays
Then you started screaming that this was the first time you did e and that you had a 4.8 gpa, that was right before you almost suffocated between that one girl's tits.
Woke up shivering behind the titty bar, With the worst leg cramps. I'm like a poster boy for responsibility.
You know what? I bet HE would do stormtrooper roleplay with me. I'm in.
The same guy who pierced my nipples just told me he can help tutor me in precalc.
I have jury duty tomorrow
I almost deep fried my finger today and yet I think you are worse off than I am.
He's literally cuddling with the washer and dryer.
the bucket list is making me question my morals...and sexuality
Randomize
