My first STD was from a foam party
I created a new tequila drink. it is a mix of excitement and fear instilled in innocent people.
I decided it would be a good time to smoke on one of my deliveries but then I got the munchies and ate a piece of the pizza I was freaking out so I told him it was our new pacman pizza
Also, our mothers are placing bets on which of us will get pregnant first.
She was really fucking loud. My neighbors definetly knew my name...
i was staring at her drunk thinking "shes at least a four"
We're going to shave my junk and take pictures of it wearing fake mustaches we found at the dollar store. They're uncannily realistic; much better than the cockstaches of my youth.
Theme for your birthday? Beer olympics in S&M costumes? Sounds like a nice little saturday
I'm pretty sure I got a cavity today due to how many times I've puked hungover at work.
He thought my hair would soak it up. I HAD TO CUT IT OFF.
Well, if you're getting/have gotten your dick sucked, you're welcome. If not, I tried. Step up your game, pussy. I pulled a MacGuyver and got mine. No excuses bro.
i convinced him to be a french maid for halloween. he has no idea what he's in for. i just ordered the breast forms.
Just an FYI i'm going to get drunk as shit while you are on duty and attempt to not fall into the bathtub again.
Rodger that.
I'm currently sitting at your kitchen table eating chicken nuggets that I dug out of the trash and thinking about how much I need to get laid.
I made out with that lesbian chick for a blunt. NO REGRETS.
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