Anal astronaut?
Wow word travels fast.
I think my favourite thing about cubicles is the fact that I can pick my nose at work
Things I've learned: after you move in with a girl it's much less satisfying to wipe your dick on her sheets after sex because now they're your sheets too
I woke up with a solved rubics cube in my purse
She looked at it and said "your dick is like the golden gate bridge."
She said my dick tasted like a junior mint. Ive decided im using this soap the rest of my life
I wish pancakes were everywhere. Just pancakes. I want lilies at my wedding. No dress. Just priest. Just lilies.
just filed my taxes drunk as balls. i may be going to jail.
She kept talking about how amazing the banana she had yesterday was. Don't know if it was innuendo, stoned, or just a really amazing banana.
First night sober since New Years. I'm not sure what hurts more, the hangover or the credit dread when I find out what the tickets to Bali actually cost.
I have poison ivy on my dick
WHAT
you're the third guy in less than 24 hours she fucked. I'm glad you lost your virginity just don't act like you climbed Mt. Everest.
Do you think accidently including this month's Credit Card statement in my application will keep me from getting into grad school?
Depends ... when did you purchase your vibrator?
I come home to my brother mixing skittles and vodka. We're all proud of him.
Why do so many fanfic writers want to see hockey players get pregnant?
Randomize
