she definitely has that "I'll bang you, but then I'll tell your girlfriend" look to her.
Pls stop me from telling anyone else my broken blood-vessel + splint are "climax-related" injuries.
his blackberry tasks were 1. take names and 2. kick ass
Y'know, without the cops, it would've just been us daydrinking,
i'm glad we're now at the level of friendship where we can comfortably discuss the quality of our shit
I didn't realize I was holding it, until I was like, "whose baby is this?"
Just told my mom sparks is a health drink. Officially getting hammered on the way to the beach.
It's that thing where you don't have any food so you just drink beer to get your needed calories for the day.
He asked her to marry him and she said yes. There is NO WAY she knows about his penchant for wearing lingerie.
I ate the crust off the pizza and left the rest in the box. Even I would hate me.
If you can't accept me drawing a Santa hat on your penis then we can't be friends
You were more fun when you didn't have morals.
I feel like hooking up with you on my floor, sneaking out my window and jumping a fence is an effort that deserves a happy birthday.
I just drunkenly emailed my feminist dissertation as a resignation letter for my call center job. What am I doing with my life!?
Do you just want me to shit in a Jack-o-latern
Randomize
