There are thorn wounds on my balls, don't ever question my dedication to party again
not my fault. i got her to believe he wrote an oasis song. he still managed to find a way to make sure no girl ever gets near his penis.
I learned an important lesson last night: Jameson giveth, but Jameson also taketh away.
Cruelly.
First of all...stop making excuses. Second of all...Fuck the surgeon generals warning
There needs to be waaaay more alcohol in my apartment if I am going to survive being unemployed
I just woke up from quarter beer tuesdays wearing 3 pairs of underwear, none of which are the ones I left wearing...2 Around my waist and one around my shoulder in an attempt at a bra. At least drunk me tries to be decent?
dude he's still passed out in my bathtub. and his dick is half way in a 40 bottle... i really hope he was just trying to piss in it
Then, right before he came he said "I want to buy you so many things!" What the fuck?!
Someone brought brownies to work and I was skeptical to eat one then I remembered I was at work and there is no way there is weed in them. Haha I'm blaming you for that.
We were going to play manhunt in a strip club, calling it mancunt.
His roommate walked in then asked "well did you at least finish". What a way to start your birthday
I think I ejaculated my soul out.
Either I'm getting old or the shit show is playing earlier than it used to...
My manager is trying to help me find a good career path, and I'm trying to find a professional way to tell him I just wanna smoke and fuck.
It’s a 10 inch dick! Of course I’m getting a Brazilian
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