even through the webcam i could tell he was aiming for my face/hair
I want to see you every morning in the kitchen ass naykid on roller blades making pancakes.
Stop sending me these texts. This is your mom, not your girlfriend.
I woke up this morning naked, with a to-go box from Qdoba, an entire meal completely untouched. I have been piecing together my night to find some answers. I feel like Nancy Drew.
She forced me to throw up so it would "rejuvenate" me. It worked and then we took six more shots and did a keg stand. You know what I call that? Friendship.
just fucked my old babysitter, gotta love block parties
We could make it a date. Dinner and a show. The show being my nipples getting pierced.
you started keeping track of only every even numbered drink you had
u know how some weekends you just wanna go out and ruin a relationship? this is one of those weekends
My vagina bone hurts from grinding on that dude so hard.
I was wondering, is there any way to hook up a lawn hose to a keg?
New rule. Every time you and I have a disagreement that lasts longer than 10min, while in a bar, we'll have a shot. Figure we'll eventually start agreeing sooner rather than later...
Somehow I ended up in a different costume dancing with some tree of a guy in the basement bathroom, what did you give me?
You know what else? He didn't even get to see my butt. And my butt is really cute. Car sex is awful.
Nothing says "Jesus has forgiven your sins" like finding out you're not pregnant on Easter.
I ate all your munchie Mac and Cheese cause you left me on the lawn. If you don't want it to happen gain, drag my drunk ass inside next time
Randomize
