based on who turned up here tonight the whole evening should just be called "mistakes i made when i was fat"
Literally he has the smallest penis I've ever felt since 8th grade.
just found a sign outside my brothers door "not going to church, don't even try" and he is covered is vomit in his bed.
I'm beginning to think I'm sterile because I definitely should be pregnant by now.
He decided not to draw dicks on my face when I passed out because he was afraid I'd retaliate and superglue his dick to his stomach....he knows me too well.
Okay Im going to go have some sex apparently. I hope this chick is prepared the zero effort Im going to put into it.
Blacked in riding a tandem bicycle with a stranger. We stopped for hot dogs.
Bring scissors.....i think im gonna have to be cut out of this damn jockstrap
I tried to find the bar, ended up at a car dealership. Then the alarms went off.
Sorry about the flaming shit on your door
I never thought I'd be in my late 20s and send that text
Just walked in on him banging another girl. He told me " sorry but I'm gonna finish now that I'm caught" ...... I think this is the reason god gave me four older brothers....
How drunk is she?
She's trying to French braid the dogs hair, there's no stopping her
so he'll eat food out of a dumpster but he won't lick your ass?
I'm one bad relationship away from owning seven cats.
I am so horny. It's like all the stress of finals week has relocated to my vagina.
Randomize
