she takes plan B like it's going out of style
writing the newer testament. It's the 3rd for the series. I'll update u the rule changes later.
Have you ever looked at the 750mL bottle of wine on the seat next to you knowing that it's just not going to be enough?
Each and every day.
I'm drinking a margarita out of my 'best bj' trophy and it tastes like victory.
Is a box of franzia too insincere of a gift for "i'm sorry I backed into your toddler with my car"?
you act like breakfast cereal isnt an entirely appropriate chaser
The whiskey is fighting the tequila on who wants to be the one who end my night first.
I can't believe you big bird do not remember battling a shark last night it turned into a Pokemon battle and big bird over powered the shark
I've figured out why I love winter sex. Because I make them leave the beanie on, and we all know I love a man in a beanie.
while he was teaching, every time he said "wet" he would look at me, that's what you get for sleeping with the professor's assistant
I also told the pizza delivery guy that he smelled good. I must be ovulating.
all I know is id definitely throw up if you guys ever dated so if you do stay the fuck away from me
Had a rough day but my boyfriend made that all better by going down on me while letting me watch Top Gear... I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
I have serious attachment issues. I just realized how long its been since ive smoked out of my bong and I feel guilty for dis owning it this week
Just because I'm asexual doesn't mean I can't have a revenge fuck.
Randomize