my head looks like a cockatoo
mine looks like a lions mane...looks like the entire zoo is going to prom
farters have to be the big spoon...
Before he took my jeans off all he said was "no hard feelings from middle school right?"
I just saw a girl in Albersons in spandex and curlers buying PBR. Only PBR.
How are you going to be there by 9am?
Relax I always go to these conferences hung over
You say that like it's a positive quality
ya, but you'll graduate college with a higher education. I'm looking at at least two addictions, an abortion, and a few weeks jail time.
I don't think I own any pants that haven't seen his bedroom floor anymore...
so some random man just messaged me on facebook "tig ol bitties" should i be concerned?
Instead of sending me a picture of his dick, he sent me a drawing of it on drawsomething. This game is getting out of control.
we got kicked out of McDonald's because you kept screaming THAT SHIT CRAY at the woman in front of us because she ordered a fish filet.
...that shit cray.
SHE WON'T ROUND UP MY GRADE! I have a 79.8% I ONLY MISSED TWO CLASSES!!! ONE WHEN I GOT DRUGGED AND ONE WHEN MY CAR GOT BROKEN INTO!! I'm interculturally competent. I used to date a Italian/Cherokee Indian. I fucked a Palestinian. How much more pro-peace can you get?
Just realized I used a picture of my little sister to holler at a guy, only 3 months old and she's already my wingman.
Oh man, are we repeating last 4th of July?!
That shouldn't even be a question, it's a tradition now. Hope your manhood is ready.
Dude we need to hang out soon. I'm in the mood to get arrested again.
I could tell my life story through kermit memes
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