new rule: cockblock me if I have had over a fifth of jack. no matter what.
she was sobbing drunk in the backseat about her dead cat and how the guy in the front seat didn't want to hook up with her
Forgot to mention...Pamela Anderson has HPV, so i feel like im in good company
This lumberjack with a huge beard is doing his group presentation in a dirty t shirt that says "I'm only 2 girls short of a threesome"
Stop trying to get a gf and raw dog some forest beasts like sasquatch
Remember last time I drank with my mom? I asked if I got my dick sucking abilities from her.
I can't stop drooling did you spike my drink?
Cheez-its and a bottle of cab...for under $10 you could win this girls heart
I just slipped on ice and peed on my pea coat. There's a pun there but I'm too sad to make it
Called Apple, my penis pics are safe.
Then he said,"I love you like a sister I like to have sex with."
He will forever be known as the toe sucker who may or may not have been a father
Started mixing booze directly into the 2 liters and carrying them around. Mixing less often, and now kind of weightlifting,so double effecient.
So...a chick sucked my crank...now her dog is licking my feet. I feel like a pharoh on vacation.
It was a good thing I was on the balcony flashing those guys or I would have never seen her skipping to his car
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