I just mistook a monk for someone with the newest colored snuggie.
Walking home still drunk in snow. Snowflakes are my only hydration..Need moreee
Woke up in a closet. I'm not drinking till summer.
she told me I give head better than a lesbian. I know it's a great compliment but it kind of threw me off.
i knew it was going to be a good night when i was bleeding, licked it and it tasted like miller light
He googled the address of the bar, then sent me a text saying "6.3 miles. Too far. :( Apparently I am only worth a 5 mile radius.
She was mid-sentence and then BOOM the hammock broke off the tree. I about pissed myself. Hot Sprite and Vodka make the world go round.
He's yummy.
HE'S GAY. AND 40.
Irrelevant.
I had to run home with my hands covering my tits this morning. How does this keep happening?
Everyone was soo nice and genuine.. Then again it coulda just been the drugs.
I don't remember much and some girl almost convinced me to jump off the bridge while she held my stuff...
Too bad, iambic pentameter is a drunk specialty of mine.
You passed out in my backseat like a legitimate infant. A really drunk, really horny infant
remind me again why we thought drinking hungarian moonshine was a good idea
You cannot ask her to resend the picture of her genital tattoo to you just so you can show your room mate. it is time to end your relationship with the Captain.
Randomize
