I woke up this morning and was hoping we drank enough last night to have a unicorn drawn on my wrist. Good News: We did.
Woke up in 100% not my clothes this morning. Third time this month. Fuck. Tequila.
Her best friend sent her a random hate text and the song they played at her father's funeral came on the radio. I just got cock blocked by the universe
she was laying naked in the stream looking for "ribbays", which is apparently drunk for frogs.
she's using motion activated glade air fresheners as some sort of early warning system
btw im using a cooler as a purse cause i love string cheese
drunk guy next to me on the train just tried to share his pizza with me
he just tried to feed it to me...i love new york
I just woke up and my mouth tastes like I licked the bathroom floor in the last ghetto bar we were in. I'm going to get my mouth checked for chlamydia. Do I see a dentist for that?
You may genuinely find a use for the siphon. But the bag of human hair is less likely.
I keep looking at his nude pics and crying because ill never see it in person again.
I've been here for three hours and I am already feeling sorry for whatever offspring i will indefinitely produce in this place.
I pray for you bro.
There were grown college boys running around north campus in capes with nerf guns. If security were to be called I think they would just give them more beer.
he just kept texting even after we lit his shoelaces on fire. he just calmly walked into the pool... still texting.
Well I'm half drunk in a green tutu at a chipotle. So pretty good parade.
The strippers who live across the street set up a decently professional stage on their front balcony and a banner for a go fund me... I think we're gonna get a show.
Randomize
