yes, too bad my tears were being wiped away by tits in my face
I had another sleeping on concrete incident.
i woke up to find out i shared my bed with a full, open can of natty light last night and didnt spill it. then i drank it for breakfast.
The douche that always wears spandex at the gym just walked into class with a dick going into his mouth drawn on his face. The professor said "rough night" and he still has no idea. Tyring to get a pic
I'm in the grocery store cradling a box of wine like it's my firstborn, so of course this would be the first and only time I've ever seen my boss outside of the office.
also I just used a straw to drink the juice out of a tomato b/c I forgot how to bite.
We waited til after. Not even drunk sex felt right during a Disney movie.
Sorry if I put you in that 'glad we're hanging out but I'm gonna go fuck your cousin' kind of position
I'm so disappointed in myself I can actually taste it.
Does it taste like semen?
the creek. my friends left me at a party next thing i know im in a breaststroke relay race with a bunch of randos in the dark
does the girl puking in my garbage belong to you?
one renamed every person in my phone 'I lpvw tewqils', so it would really help me out if you could text me your name. Happy sunday!
You declared your undying love to a drag queen, then proceeded to puke into the poor man's purse.
I hurt myself, but I'm pretty sure I saved the carpet.
whatever. i just wanna get "forget my own name" wasted
no. you need to know your name so people know where to return you when you get lost.
Randomize
