So how Liz Lemon is this? I bring a boy home, we get in bed, and I realize there's a lean pocket wrapper in the sheets.
if i get killed by an online date, its your job to tell my parents that we met at church
I wish I could have two rating systems on iTunes. "This one is a 5 star. This one is only a 5 star when I'm baked."
you refused to leave the drive-thru at mcdonalds until the cashier took a jello shot
If I knew losing weight would mean this many fucking creepers I would've just stayed fat.
Eating Doritos is not nearly as enjoyable when I'm not drunkenly feeding them to peacocks.
...that's why he's not doing anything with his life except breeding geckos
Also, my drunkenly packed sleepover kit consisted of a singular sock, my uncharged laptop, and a pack of post-it notes.
If I take diet pills with my edibles I'll be a perfect person
Mike showed up naked and in handcuffs. Again. Feel free to come over and laugh because I'm not helping this time.
I can't believe he just friend zoned me like that.
Dude, you're not even gay.
I knew full well that at some point during the night my penis would be out with this costume choice
Ims textiofg thsi woht my noes bcuz my hansd aer stli handcuffde to teh bedfrme. Help me
At least I got steroids and a baguette out of the deal
It was great. Somehow, sleeping with her sister cured everything!
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