Last-second stop at the drug store for lube and condoms. Clerk said "So uhmmm...that's a done deal, huh?"
High five!
I have some memory of taking a dump in a guitar case.
She has puke on the back of her shirt not quite sure how the hell she did that
Some girl took her panties off, soaked them in vodka and wrung them out into a line of guys' mouths! Awesome!
No, NOT awesome. Where the fuck do you go drinking!?!
I asked him if he wanted a pillow, and he replied "No. Batman never had pillows."
I was woke up by the fucking Star Spangled Banner this morning. I sat up in bed and put my hand over my naked heart. I was so confused
I had a dream I gave a blow job to a guy whose dick forked off into two. I'm going to spend the rest of my life confused.
Just made a bong out of a pineapple. So yes.. And champagne is about to be popped
I made everyone scream the national anthem with me after playing true American last night. I'm pretty much their leader now.
Eye drops are like seatbelts of being high. Think about it
Yeah. That's the shitty part. God, I don't want to be a step mom. Sure I'm great with kids, but I just want unlimited sex and not have to worry about making friends with a fucking 7 year old.
Our prom king just sent me a dick pic. I know it's 10 years later but I feel like I've finally made it.
We knew it was an interesting night when we found my thong wrapped around a chocolate chip muffin in the fridge.
Currently using my kid's computer to charge my vibrator. #thisis30ish
I brought my porn computer to class by accident
How much porn do you watch if you need a special computer?
Randomize
