You act like I was drinking alone...I had the entire Verizon network with me
I forgot to mention I threw up in my wine glass AND my neighbors empty cup.
I'm currently witnessing my drunk neighbor attempting to fold laundry on his front lawn. I think he's trying to spell out HELP.
An accidental pregnancy to a guy with a trustfund is no mistake. It is a gift from god.
you looked at her and told her she looks like the girl you lost your virginity to then told her you wanted to lose it to her again
I'm lying here drinking water from a shot glass..moving is not an option right now
So Monday we're lesbians.
Deal. This decision is final and any rebates on this will result in losing an eyeball.
She looks like she smells of sausage, sunblock and sorrow.
Do they mail horrible human being awards or do I have to pick it up or what's the protocol on that shit
apparently while i was high i thought that putting a dinosaur temporary tattoo on my inner thigh would keep me from taking my pants off and having sex with him...
...it didn't...
and yet oddly the jello shots tasted better coming up than going down
Just spent the morning washing Bailey's and Guiness out of my clothes -_-
I like to be the stable force in your otherwise chaotic existence.
Let's make a rule now, to not smoke weed out of our trumpets. After tonight.
Help. Why am I so naked?
Randomize
