Words of wisdom-never eat a peanut-butter covered banana on a construction site ever again
When you're about to leave, tell him "bye." At that point, he should say something. If he doesn't say anything, well, our drinks were free and he gets a free make out with yours truly.
Im holding a competition......who saw me last, and who knows how my nose got bruised? you earn points for answering either question. and for bringing me water.
Is it a step in the wrong direction to ask my parents for a kegerator for graduation?
found a half eaten roll befind my toilet today. my birthday just keeps popping up.
Her boyfriend was wrestling another girl. But, she said she was okay with it because she kept checking for boners--w the back of her hand like she was checking for a fever
I bet George Washington got SERIOUS head back in his hay day.
She had cheddar bay biscuits in her purse. Biscuits, Id and cash. I'm gonna marry her.
this year we will have multiple halloween identities. lesbian couple meets brian and stewie
I miss forts and drugs that made me believe in unicorns...
I woke up with my shoes still on and my pants around my ankles cause I couldn't get them over my shoes
Yeah, I've hit on priests at bars, too. Such a shame, there are a lot of hot men out there who've devoted themselves and their glorious genitalia to the Lord -_-
I'm SO high. And there is so much pudding in this car
I texted him back and I am so nervous I may vomit up all of the soup I just ate.
I have 2 bottles of wine, a sharpie, and a panda mask and don't have to wake up early. Can u do the math on this?
Randomize
