Help. Asians are flirting in front of me(773): They speak asian
so...dinner was kid's cuisine and a bottle of wine. i think they go well together.
relax...and go to your happy place, which probably has a lot of dicks
I love watching the kids I sold drugs to score touchdowns
anyone who says having children is the best experience of their life obviously has never seen a vending machine carry vodka in Capri sun pouches.
I'm going to call you, don't answer. Need to practice moaning to your answering machine again
And, through a series of unfortunate events, I am at my grandmothers birthday party in a short dress and no underwear
I think I just danced on the bar. With a man named Alabama.
Thank you for turning 21. I'm going to love reading your texts.
I believe in weed hangovers. To say the least.
He's taking me to Tao. This is going to be so weird. How do you go on a first date with a guy that has seen you naked more times than clothed?
I panicked i brought burritos. Funeral burritos
Mischief managed.
YOU ARE NOT A MARAUDER, WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO NOW?
A respectable fucking: good but like I don't want to get kicked out of my hotel room
This is like the fourth time this month I've woken up hungover in someone's backyard
He was passed out, face in the toilet, so I just pissed on his head. Serves him right
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