ok shes still asleep, should i pee on her and say she did it herself? and by the time you respond to this ill probably have already made the decision
the only thing i have to deal with now is the fact that i'm still wearing spandex shorts from last night
He was drunk at Denny's at 5 am saying how Dear John was the worst movie he has ever seen... eyes filled with tears.
Correct me if I'm wrong but the photo album titles "cause I've been drankin" and "baby jessica" should not belong to the same person.
I think this baby is eyeing my beer
ive got a scarf tied around my face holding bags of hashbrowns to it, im too boss to care
when it says do not use on the face or genital areas, it MEANS do not use on the face or genital areas.
Well then. It seems like we have a Mexican standoff of genitals
I stared at his lazy eye for so long, he thought I had one too. Then we bonded over our lazy eyes. I had to fake one all night. My head is fucking killing me. NEVER pretend to have a lazy eye.
He is dating a girl who is on the Olympic shooting team...I've never been so scared to hit on a guy with a girlfriend in my entire life.
This time last year I was crying in a church parking lot without shoes or a bra, so the years can only go up from here
I swear she is the Mary Poppins of drugs
You licked my eyeball, you are officially cut off. If you just missed you can have a second chance on Friday.
well we started off by chasing vodka with chocolate milk and ended up trying to befriend a crippled raccoon so that should tell you how our night went
My books smell like weed. What does that tell you about my college experience?
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