i feel rough
just turned on the light, there is blood EVERYWHERE.
I dont get it-she has sex with me but wont be my facebook friend?
you sent me 5 happy birthday texts last night. one after the other. spelled differently.
got weed?
I'm really tired of you accidentally texting me when your doing illegal things. I'm taking away your phone.
sorry mom...
but why does your life always sound like the plot of a porn?
Signed everyone in my dorm up for free samples of astroglyde. Took me an hour. Happy new years!!!!!
I just got licked by a stripper, not so great anymore.
You should know me better than that. I don't whore around. I promise this is a blowjobs only kind of trip.
She sat on the stairs and yelled sex positions at us. I don't remember if we went along with it but judging by the beer and condoms I'm thinking yes.
I tell myself every day I shouldn't be friends with you
Had a booty call cancel on me tonight. Said he hurt his back. So this is what single and 30-something is like. Suck.
Is it weird that I only look up my ex on Twitter when I take a shit? May have conditioned myself to associate him with shit
Safe to say we should stock up on nipple bandaids ladies
I was just seen throwin up on the bookstore building near a trashcan by parents. Naturally I throw a thumbs up and say go college
Well, I ruined his toilet and he's still completely okay with me. Plus, it took him like a week to tell me.
If a girl I didn't love ruined my toilet I don't think I'd stick around.
Randomize
