Do you remember getting into a Delorean last night?
I gave my ex the dutch oven last night. How was your night?
she's walking around the room telling people she can make the room move with her mind and then she shakes her head really fast yelling 'see?!'
he saw my emergency pass-out-in-the-bathroom-after-drunken-puking cot in the bathroom.
You need to get here now. A drunk girl just stumbled into our apartment. shes laying on the floor by our door.
Why am I a bad person? You were the one trying to get people to eat tape.
I couldn't get past the raccoon on my porch so i slept on my lawn.
Oh, and I'm only keeping her around till spring. Doing the hunt for cunt is too tough in 12" of snow.
It was one of those "wake up holding a random metal flower" kind of nights.
He facetimed with his son when he was still inside of me. If that's not a dedicated dad I don't know what is
I'm high. The text bubbles floating do no justice to the underwater experiences
Was expecting a sext from Kristi and then my mom randomly sent me a pic of her ugly Xmas sweater. Worst. Buzzkill. Ever.
Ever since I got to LA my dream self has been having sex with way too many rabbi's.
Em I need to know if his cum tastes like vodka. Report back.
I'm getting drunk off Malibu and watching Drag Race and it's only 2 in the afternoon. I'm the poster child for sad gay men.
Randomize
