I want to come over to your house, give you money for liquor, fuck you, and then kick it untill I have to go home. Was that blatent enough for you?
fighting downstairs. join me tonight to hear their makeup sex. also, let's make skittles vodka.
you'll never believe how fucking awesome rain man is when you're stoned.
ashley and jimmy are about to have sex on degrassi.... EVERYONES GETTING LAID BUT ME
the last thing i remember saying is "hope you like body hair"
i told you that I felt like my feet were melting into the ground and you starting blowing on them to put out the "invisible fire". thanks friend.
I'm pretty sure the guy she brought home is a polish porn star..
A guy dressed like Jesus just gave me a mini keg. Prayers really do come true.
Oh my God, that is a gorgeous man. And I wasn't even gay until five minutes ago.
We were in the middle of fucking and she was just like "Do ya wanna play Harry Potter Scene It?" I musta been really bad lol Anyways, her tattoo healed nicely.
Literally just saw a 7 year old intently rub his penis on the metro. I'm not ready for this
My mom just called hysterical. She and her sister found my dead grandma's vibrator.
The apple don't fall far from that tree.
In other news, I woke up still drunk and I think I literally just broke the Guinness book of world records for most bloody Mary's in one day...
she crossed my comfort zone...i thought i was a freak
said the guy with a pink sex swing...
Met the hot new neighbor. She's into country music and giving really good bjs. Latter made up for the former.
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