You should really figure out how to get me a picture that will pop up on my phone when you call
Just upload a picture of Bea Arthur. That's what my soul looks like these days
and the officer said have you been drinking
and i said NOO SIR.
and he said, I am a woman.
His facebook profile says he's interested in men, but i'm choosing to ignore that
she has tattoo'd to her hips "grip here" this is why they made spring break
I owe her a pancake or a second hand orgasm
they drunkenly created an obstacle course for the poor hamster and its ball.
I can't believe she made out with my 15 year old brother. That kid can seriously pull.
Apparently I stole windex from the cab driver. Klepto Tom strikes again.
My ex came over to hook up...then I went on a date 2 hours later and got a bj. Single: Finally doing it right.
The alcohol tastes like we did a beer run at the nail salon
His whole street is under construction. Third walk of shame this week & I'm getting a lot of sympathetic nods from the workers.
jusy threw up in the airport bathroom. I am no longer thankful for fireball.
Tell me not to drink and get on ladders. I think I need the reminder.. I'm clumsy enough sober.
Turns out I tore my ACL when I fell off the mechanical bull.. Happy bday to me
She was drunk, dancing on the table. Until the table leg completely broke off and she fell on the ground and broke her front tooth straight off. Worse news is there making her pay for the table
Randomize
