I just threw up a christmastime peep. I am literally already sick of the holidays.
she was like the girl next door.. if you lived next door to a whorehouse
Hey if there is a better reason to go drink then "I've been fucking robbed!" I have yet to hear one. Also, I've been fucking robbed.
It is 9pm, let the ass parade to the bars begin
I'm sorry but if you can't drink a bottle of wine without a glass, I do not think we can be friends.
The look on the dr's face when she asked me the last time i had sex and i responded "like an hour and a half ago" ... priceless
banged a milf last night. she left right after cause of parent teacher conferences this morning. victory.
Prepare for massive TMI but anyway long story short I have a Swiss flag band-aid across my balls.
What a patriot you are. How'd it happen?
I've now spilled wine and got poptarts all over my cast. So much for my doc taking me seriously...
He was so drunk and proud of his 6-month-gym-results he actually made me touch his whole naked body.
I didn't know how wild the party was going to be until one girl brought her pet raccoon
I need a conscience and I need it yesterday.
Tip of the day: Don't Amazon vibrators when your WHOLE FAMILY uses your prime account. There's dildo after dildo showing up in my "Related to Items You've Viewed" category on the home page.
extra points if i make kids and or the elderly cry
An old Grimace plushie came to life and gave me a pretty knife. I'm never doing acid again.
Randomize
