gavin joseph was born around 1 oclock 9lbs 12oz... over 21 inches long
Thats what she said
Am I the only person who thinks Megan Fox looks totally like a Thai lady boy with a serious tanning bed fix?
I caved and texted him. But it's strictly drug dealing business so it doesn't count.
if you count grabbing my crotch as an introduction then yeah i got a couple of those tonight
whatever. i almost had sex in a car with someone passed out in the back seat. phone's not my biggest worry.
I just told a squirrel he was gonna suffocate because he was eating a plastic bag. and i stared at him till he spit it out. Its official, I love squirrels more than people. they actually listen.
I sent her a picture of Richard Nixon and said "these are the only dick pics I send".
College has done two things for me. Given me the confidence to blow my nose in public and shit in public
All I know is I was bleeding, she was bleeding, we stole someone's Lucky Charms, and then I made you guys order a pizza
It's dollar drink night and I have my honors society initiation tomorrow. Somehow I think this will not end well.
The guy I hooked up with two weeks ago just friended me on Venmo, I honestly won't be mad if he pays me for the sex
I'm not sure. I have to find the Greeks I was with last night and see if they can explain to me why I can't hear out of my right ear and why I look like I got the shit kicked out of me
will you help me invent vagina-safe pop rocks?
You just kept telling everyone to call you MFT.. Mother Fucking Tornado.
There better be alcohol at this child's birthday party. Seriously not trying to be entertained by a clown while I'm still sober.
Randomize
