dude do u know what u did last night?
do i wanna know???
you totally walked in on some couple fuckin in their unlocked dorm room asking for directions to ur room...
Say "Steve Buscemi is hot." with a straight face.
Yeah..And after he fingered me, he wiped it on my face and laughed.
ew wtf
Sex tip #67: Jizz in the eye is very near the equivalent to pepper spray. Not recommended for pleasure enhancement.
The guy I wanted to make out with just got beat up, let's roll.
high enough to want to lick peanut butter off of Michael Buble's vocal chords as he serenades me.
I burst into tears on the boat this morning because we bumped a duck in the head. I am way too hung over for today
when you wake up in a apartment hallway wearing someone else's shoes, you can pretty much assume last night was a success.
For future reference, Twizzlers CAN leave welts.
Sorry I didn't take you making out with him all night as a hint you wanted nothing to do with him...
When the shrooms kicked in we both simultaneously realized we were not the right puzzle piece for the dubstep puzzle.
We made eye contact and were like we are not welcome here, the ravers are onto us and we need to get the fuck out before we get shuffled upon
You did profess your love for cotton multiple times and your hatred for all other fabrics
This drive is very scenic
And I'm chugging whiskey in the back
As you should, soak in all this country has to offer
i left you alone for two hours TWO HOURS & when i got back i had to rush you to the hospital because you were covered in Smooth Away pads & drinking the bong water..
things i am: 1) still drunk 2) still wearing my leopard onesie 3) still gonna make my 9am lecture despite the odds CAN I GET A HIGH FIVE
Randomize
