No, don't ignore my call, i just need to know, whats cuter a pig in boots or a miniature horse sitting down..
I'm going to get drunk on champagne by myself.
Oh no wait my cat's here. Thank god for a second there I sounded really sad.
She was perfectly content just sitting in the middle of everyone blowing bubbles in the air.
I'm ashamed of you 12 hours later and 200 miles away
tell me why there is a bowl of oatmeal from starbucks in my purse
At least the cops kept you away from sleeping with her. Protect and Serve.
Judging by his buldge, this guy is huge. just paid steve to follow him into the bathroom and find out. They had a convo about it.
I've never danced to a Michael Jackson song in a bar and left alone bro. Something in girls loves a guy who dances to mj
Sometimes I actually rage on Tuesday, come back, and do homework drunk and pull an all nighter.
He thought you were kidding about me peeing on my ex...and then I was like "that was one time"
the bartender goes "wow its so good to see you sober" and gives me a hug
It was ok until his mom walked in and asked if he turned on the crock-pot...
sorry didn’t mean to call you, i was just trying to put the t-rex emoji beside your name
I hate her so much I want to fuck her boyfriend.
Babe if there was a way to give a back rub and head at the same time that's what I would ask for my birthday, Christmas and of course right now. Please think about how and get back to me.
Randomize
