Oh shit, I think we need to get you a hobby that doesn't include penises
I guess calling a coworker a lesbian sea cow is some kind of violation.
You ran away and I found you three blocks later lying by a dumpster because "that's where your life belongs"
You better drive. If I decide to let them talk me into a 3-way, I don't want you to be stranded.
Just drive me around campus, I will be able to smell their innocence.
He hid IN a snowbank for 2 hours waiting for me to come home. This game has to stop before someone dies.
he brought me knee pads...is that sweet or weird?
The investigator asked if we were sharing a pitcher of margaritas. I corrected him and explained that we each had our own.
And I can feel feelings now and they hurt
You don't want any of I have. Seriously. Its 80 proof rum that was 8 bucks for a liter. I'm afraid
I'm sure your liver is writing out a will as we speak
Last night we got home from the bar and saw a fox outside and we lured it in the house with a piece of cheese. Just wanted to party with some potentially dangerous wildlife I guess.
I just blocked a guy on grindr for having a little dick. See? I do have standards.
The dicks good but it's not two trains and a bus good.
Cooked. Eating pizza. Didn't have a napkin so I took my shirt off and I'm using it.
At one point she put on my dads pants and yelled after him EMILIOOOO! Dude, my dads name is Mark.
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