I texted him about a book we both like. I was expecting a "ya great book... let's bone" response. It didn't work
so i saw this homeless guy this morning yelling at a pay phone like chewbacca.
That's what you get for being in filth-adelphia.
My dad is complaining about how his computer keeps getting viruses. I don't have the heart to tell him he needs to stop downloading so much porn.
is it bad that the only reason i knew what antidote meant in class today, was from years of playing pokemon?
I'm actually pretty neutral about a lot of things. I'm like Switzerland with a penis.
i told her she would have to blow me everytime we lost a game of beer pong, she never noticed i purposely hit our opponents in the face every other shot
Now go wash the fat girl off your hands.
it was a 10 min screaming orgasm. i don't care that you were next door and didn't appreciate all the noise.
Invite that kid who wants to become a priest. I WANT ON.
I woke up sandwiched between them, all of us naked, and they were just sharing a cigarette, a donut, and the paper like it was just some normal post-threesome Sunday brunch.
I'm wearing jeans from 7th grade and drinking a fucking macchiato. This better be a good day.
Dude, I need a fuckin wingman and this could finally make us eskimo brothers, how can you pass that up?
I did not get pleasing results from googling “Bob Ross goat”
Wanted to let you know I hooked up with your brother.
i thought he was gay wtf
I am 11 times too hungover to give the eulogy
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