I opened up her dishwasher and all I found was a spoon, a juice glass and all her sex toys.
You are an asshole
haha sleeping beauty awakes.
Where did you find this costume?
Seriously. You just grinded your ass all over the heisman trophy's dick. I want you to think about that.
you called me in the middle of the night, wandering the streets, in search of "the ultimate burrito"
Blood and glitter go together right?
You kept showing the cop the bruises on the bottoms of your feet and claiming you were a medical mystery.
Let me stew on this while im plucking my nipple hairs and showering.
He told me to come in and have some water before I drove home, my vagina didn't stand a chance escaping. We didn't even make it to the kitchen.
its not that I hate him, it's just that I wish his penis was attached to someone i like more
Ryan Reynolds is on sesame street right now. Dressed as a letter A but still sexy as fuck. PBS is so considerate of the stay at home mom.
so we were doing it and I was like umm hi im losing my virginity can you take off your beanie
I think the pizza delivery guy is getting a handjob next door.
He finally left. I didn't introduce him to the roommate. The sex is bad. I don't want him to feel welcome
Just got my LSAT score...if you need me I'll be drunk in a ditch somewhere.
I could be writing so much lesbian porn right now but noooooo!
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