hey bro how do you do that fake vagina thing with the tp roll? im bored.
i rewarded my self with tacobell for not throwing up on any one. MISTAKE
we need 14,000 post its to execute this plan
Just a heads up. Everytime I get arrested in Maine I claim I lost my ID and use your name.
you asked the janitor if you could ride his floor cleaner.
matt and i tucked you in... you REFUSED to move your head from under the bed.
Thanks for alerting everyone in our apartment what your one night stand's name is. Could you scream a little louder?
I'd love to sympathize with you but I'm drunk in a mansion
I shit you not, me and my date were in that bar and within a 10 minute window, 4 ex gf's entered. Every one clocked me and gave me evils. I swear they're conspiring.
I sleep texted my mom and asked her for a condom last night
Have bite marks on my arm where my temporary tat was Saturday night. Did someone try to bite Captain America or something?
One of the many mysteries surrounding the weekend...
I'll never get why we had to sing the entire full house theme to the cab driver.... never drinking rum again.
Literally, and I mean LITERALLY as in "not to be confused with a casual hyperbole", LITERALLY the day we broke up she slept with 3 different guys that night.
1) It's nice to see that the whole "English Major" thing is upping the quality of your rants 2) Have you considered that your dick was the cork holding her sluttiness in?
Sitting across the table from one of my high school teachers who hasn't seen me since I was about 16 drinking a beer wearing a leotard
You know that we wouldn’t even be talking about all this if you would have kept your candy consumption judgement comments to yourself.
Randomize
