she'd have to be at LEAST a cup size bigger for me to even consider putting up with her voice
I threw up under water while wearing a hockey helmet last night. Awesome.
I'm so used to throwing up its no longer a game of hanging over the toilet. Now it's just 'stand up, aim for the toilet, do my thing' then walk out
shes perfect for him. shes never seen a penis so she has nothing to compare his to.
i had them turn on teen mom at the bar so i wouldnt be tempted to go home and make babies with the guy next to me
Just got a voicemail from a guy referring tp himself "as chest hair guy". If I'm coming home to a intervention I understand.
I'm okay. We got a prayer rug sent to us with the face of jesus on it. From Tulsa Oklahoma. Kinda weird.
I just had the worst experience of my life, my grandma found my condoms.
I just used Bacardi to dry out poison ivy.
Fun fact: My predictive text now prompts "walrus" as the most likely word to follow "intoxicated"...
She did NOT find it funny to come upstairs to find me with the word "MISERY" written on my forehead in magic marker and the label to the vodka bottle replaced with a scrap of paper taped around that says "COMPANY"
Last time I had a one night stand he ended up stalking me for two months.
So you're not picking up this weekend?
This weekend, I am Angela, visiting from Calgary. We'll have to roleplay this.
Apparently my hair turned out really good because I got my butthole licked by a stranger last night
I just caught your son trying to perform fellatio on himself. What do I do?
Having a bangable neighbor is going to ruin my booty call game. I refuse to go across town for dick now
Randomize
