Hey man sorry I got all grabby
Remember, sex is not sex til both people cross the finish line. Until then, it is just a favor.
you kept spraying the cat with water and then telling it to "man up" when it cried
im vomiting on the 4th floor cause no one knows me there
of course he's cheating on me, she's 100x prettier and she can do the splits
I woke up on the stairs at of a Disneyland hotel. Yes, my night was amazing.
Yes, but if I hadn't gotten here early, I never would have seen the butch lesbian midget waddling down stairs from the bar. Worth every minute of drinking alone.
sick fucks of a feather flock together
Her roomates have been scoring her hookups. I got 8.9, best of the week!
That's just a really flattering way of saying, "Yes, you're useless, but you have great tits."
There really needs to be a redbox for wine because I want some but too lazy to walk into a store
I mean I've only met the girl once and she was trying to slit some guys tires.
Wake up. Smoke. Masturbate while eggos cook. Go back to bed. Smoke. Body spray shower. Beer with breakfast. Class. Morning of a champion.
You said you're gonna end your night with a six pack and awful erotica
He made me promise not to describe his penis in detail to you....oops.
Randomize
