Cool, see you soon... she just admitted to her friends that it was a queef.
who knew getting puke in ur hair could make it look so cute and curly. minus the crusty puke part
So i just got diagnosed with swine flu. im at walgreens looking like shit and this guy keeps staring at me. Im so gonna cough in his face.
well, dont
I didnt. i just coughed then looked at him menacingly. he got it.
He finally admitted that he was drunk when I asked him how he got the rug burn on his chin and he replied "the worm contest"
Ask him about the girl he took home Saturday night. I swear she voted for Kennedy.
I feel like royalty, that girl from last night had a vajazzled vag. Bucket list complete.
dude. we need more in our fridge then just beer and applesauce.
Judging by her face, I'd say she's at least dabbled with meth...
can you please explain how one drink turns into 5 street signs with their poles lying around my room
Just found a pic on my phone of you on squatting on the hood of a police car about to take a dump. Care to explain what happened last night?
Dude. I'm busy doing PR for America. FOR AMERICA. Europeans think we can't handle liquor.
They say find what you're good at... Evidently that's showing up late for everything, drinking, and eating cheese for me.
Between randomly bursting into tears and the reappearance of my lost sex drive, this break up has left me bizarrely damp.
He kept saying "Ayyyyyyy" during foreplay... during sex.... during everything! It felt like I was having sex with friggin Fonzie from Happy Days!
My nipples are raw, I've yet to go to bed, I feel like death, and I'm at work. Thank you jack, crown, and Lafayette!
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