I'm wearing a childsize birthday hat and a bib. I am the def of sex appeal rite now
i'm in the sorta mood where i wanna be that crying, drunk girl who will hook up with anyone that tells her she's pretty
Like my Aunt Merial always says ... big dicks, big dicks.
Sorry about teling your dad i'd have sex with him last night in front of your mom while i was drunk
Pretty sure I just slept with Elmo.
im hiding in a corner. drunk. with a plate of stolen jello shots. im pretty sure people are looking for me or the jello shots.
I'm going to replace you with a friend who will be happy when I find a huge penis
She gave such good road head it was turned into side-of-the-road head for everyone's safety
I made a Wendy's employee say fuck this and quit because I started flipping out due to a baked potato shortage. Of course I had a good night
And they were awkwardly all over each other in a Christian way.
He did not appreciate the "you did reuse the diamond" comment when looking at his new fiance's ring.
Whatever. I just smoked another bowl so I don't care and wow I just noticed how fast my thumb moves when I text. I'm amazing.
How was the party last night?
I'm dangerously close to shitting myself.
Am I supposed to confront my 52-year-old boss/mother of 3 about the fact that we matched on Tinder?
you don't need to worry about using proper grammar if you're asking for the size of his dick.
Randomize
