Homeslice needs to figure out he's so 2006
today i learned why jack sparrow loved rum so fucking much
Ryan just walked out of his frat house with a case of beer, a 6 dollar bottle of vodka, and a pillow. He's good to go.
i wanna give whoever invented massage chairs a blow job.
At a St Pats house party. Just raised $110 for two short chicks to crawl into a dog cage together. Video forthcoming. Respect.
we knew we'd be okay when we walked up to the dealers house and he asked us to please be quiet as to not wake his nana.
it was either a cry for help or you were gargling vodka. we didnt care either way.
I woke up to find his roommate face down on the couch with no pants on, with a sticky note that said "was lost but now am found"
Yeah man it sucked balls. People on the bus probably thought I was fucking crazy. I was fetal position, taking up two seats with no shame whilst simultaneously panting.
As I read your response saying I need a tan before I can become a go-go dancer, a girl cane up to work and gave me 10 coupons for 100 days of tanning for a dollar.
This is fate. You were destined to be a stripper.
You very well can't change your mind now. It would upset the natural flow of life.
Also I'm at the pub and there are old lady pirates gyrating on a pole. I wish you were here.
All I have are vague memories of us eating ham?
carb up bitch. we're drinking with football players.
Turns out I made out with a woman dressed as a unicorn here 10 years ago
The hangover struggle is to real, just passed the drive thru window. Twice.
Randomize
