Hey, my drug test is at 4:15 tomorrow. I'll meet you 5 minutes later.
I told him I'd have sex with him for fried cheese. Does that make me a hooker or just fat?
its like accelerated beer pong for children.....we train champions young
and my attempt at hiding my drunkness from my parents included walking into the wall as soon as they let me into the house.
We started telling people we were married, and then we hooked up on a park bench
after further investigation i found out he's a little bit married..
So it turns out that my mom and her dad used to hook up when they were our age
Never been so glad that I look so much like my dad that there's no question as to my paternity
I'll call it a tollerance break and either will be celebrating my new job with a bowl or will be smoking my sadness away from not getting the job. Either way.
What's life without a pregnancy scare?
i tried giving myself a bikini wax.1. i hate you 2. i think i'm dying
So you're mad that I let you go home with the guy with soft hands but yet you can't understand that I was just trying to help you
We were making out and truffle butter was playing in the background. I stopped mid make out session and said, "I'm really sorry but I have to rap Nicki's part."
She's the prison bitch to my Martha Stewart.
Sooooo have your ex-girl console you over your ex ex girl that you destroyed said ex-girl over the possibility of
Omg worst high ever. I'm watching Parks and Rec, and all i can think about is how andy, leslie, and tom are my closest friends. Forever alone.
Randomize
