guess who came home with a hottie last night
Def drugged
I can't wait until next week, when I find out what drunk me added to the Netflix queue.
Got a thumbs up from a trucker for doing lines on the interstate. God bless america.
onest when I told you I'm a paramedic but I'm also a stripper.
Just had a 40 min argument about how many celebrity guest appearances on Sesame Street were court ordered for DUIs.
Think of it this way, instead of a puppy, we're getting a baby.
I am currently watching him baptize himself in a baby pool with a handle of belvedere while wearing a coral dress.
I want to have sex with him.
We got high and watched Winnie the Pooh. Isn't that what every normal person does on their break?
The last thing I remember is him yelling from across the room "WE FINISHED THE HANDLE!"
It was 11pm.
Oh boy I hope we come out of this alive. And with clean prison records
Men are too sensitive. They need to learn to handle me.
She tried deep frying a banana by placing one, unpeeled, into a toaster.
Going on a first date tonight...pros: my boobs look amazing. Cons: my abortion isn't until next week.
We found you walking up the on ramp to the highway carrying a 40 mph speed limit sign with no shoes on. Rough night?
spent the night holding naked strippers up for keg stands and doing endless amounts of body shots. good game 8am final exam.
whats an extra semester when you've already been in college for 6 years?
Randomize
