well it doesn't count as a walk of shame if he drops you off at your class in his golf cart
i just made my gag reflex go away.
He won't stop licking me..... im choosing your date next time.
Also, that dude projectile vomiting all over the living room was the perfect distraction for me to swipe the booze and run.
Everyone looked at me like I just fucked a gopher and was wearing it like a hat
I would rather deep fry my own cock while it's still attached to me than have his life.
we were sitting on his couch watching tv and laughing at how funny the voices on the commercial were, then we realized the volume wasn't on.
I'm stoned and just shared 4 cookies with this chicks dog
They're raisins though so they're healthy. No worries.
I walking on her passed out on her bed, clutching a burrito and the walking dead dvd on replay.
well a fat roach just fell out of my hair. so there's that
I'M CUDDLING WITH MY CAT AND THAT GUY SENT ME A DICK PIC. UNANNOUNCED DICK PICS ARE TERRIFYING AND MY CAT WILL NEVER BE THE SAME
Wanna have a sleepover and take me to court in the morning?
i almost got into an argument defending my life choices with a guinea pig eating chocolate cake at 4am
Ohhhhhh, that night......I need to stop drinking, almost all of my conversations that take place Wed thru Sun after 8:30 are one blurry haze.
death, taxes, and me drunk texting you are 3 certainties in life
Randomize
