You're never going to guess who I just worked out next to..
Who?
Chris brown
No way... I bet he was intense
Are you kidding? He was prob training for round two
you kept singing the copa cabana and saying HAVE A BANANA to random people on the street. you also went up to this poor short guy and hugged him while proceeding to yell I LOVE YOU CHILD MAN into his face. please tell me you're sober now
U asked everyone for their hoodies so u could "safely hug the cactus"
The good news is that I can 100% reassure you that you did not get knocked up by some creepy Italian dude named Sal Manella last night.
The bad news is that you will never know the name of the guy who may have gotten you pregnant last night because he clearly gave you a fake name, sweetie.
Ps there is nothing more humbling in the world than havin to watch cheaper by the dozen on the waiting room tv while getting the morning after pill at the drs. Nothing
She pulled vodka outta the dryer and told me to drink it
you taught an eight year old how to shotgun a half pint of chocolate milk, that's all i'm saying
In my dream, you became a famous tap-dancer. Congratulations.
Get this. He's a red head and he works at country oven bakery. He will forever be known as the gingerbread man.
facebook is just a cold reminder of all the times other bitches won my hookups
Yeah probably not. I have a hair appt, a gun class, and hopefully a boy to fuck. I'm booked.
I AM SMARTER THAN EVERY FUCKBOY WHO HAS EVER SWIPED LEFT ON ME
Well I've always wanted to get head while playing WoW...
K I'll do it, but mine is going to be WAY weirder. Your not allergic to shellfish, right?
I just met his mom for the first time with a hang over. Then we went to watch his 8 year old cousin get baptized. Apparently his family loves me. I should drink more often.
Turns out I made out with a woman dressed as a unicorn here 10 years ago
Randomize
