she said i have a nice penis, i told her only bob saget and god could judge that.
is it true guys wash their penises in the sink if they think they're getting laid at a bar?
it's more of a rinse.
I wish I only lived at night.
bad: friday night i tripped and fell outside my dorm. worse: i just found out i broke my ankle. worst: i was shitfaced and don't remember any of this.
Id love to say been there done that but im a slutty drunk not a stupid one.
So about class tomorrow..... i,ll be there. But I may be still a bit drink and wearing a suit. I'll explain when I get there.
at what point last night did i decided to have a photo shoot with your camel toe
Can't we have real sex instead of you just thrusting the air near me?
I walked in her room to find her rubbing lotion on her face high as fuck.
I fell off my bed and busted open my chin on the prisoner of azkaban. Somehow missed the almost empty Jose handle next to it. So guess what I was doing last night?
And after peeing my pants waiting outside for him, i proceeded to drop down and roll in the nearest puddle to pretend like i just ate shit when he arrived
Hey nothing wrong with those! I can't believe the guys who let me see where they live on first dates. Even more surprising, I don't stalk them after they've done me wrong.
Also, it was so cold in that bathroom that I saw my crap steaming, a first in my life
dude, I felt like being high in a Santa hat and eating five boxes of cookies was right for today.
Fun fact: My predictive text now prompts "walrus" as the most likely word to follow "intoxicated"...
Went to the party dressed like a Cougar and brought a twenty something dressed as Micheal Phelps home. So far I’m loving being divorced. :-)
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