Your face is a jimmy john
You should probably wake up already as I have yet another story for you. Teaser? Blood from knife wound. Tequila. Guitar hero. Kitchen counter. Lawyer.
well we could tame deer to let us ride on them. does that work?
I told her we could be friends and she said the last time i told her that we had sex behind a bar at 4am
There are fucking limits. Jerking another guy off in the bar toes the line.
My attempts to make you laugh have failed exceedingly. Naked snap chats it is
FYI: Brian said he left me in the bathroom Friday night to shower and 45 minutes later found me with a towel around my head, my pants on and holding my boobs. No more Jell-O shots for me.
It hurts to hear and I can smell shapes.
Just peed off a cliff while playing white snake on my phone. Close enough?
I'm not kidding, he literally jumped in the red panda exhibit. I knew this was gonna be a good birthday.
Everything is fine, it's not hung over in here at all\n\n*Narrator* *but in fact everything was not fine*
So i dislocated my knee but still went home and fucked his brains out. Nothing gets in the way of my sex life. NOTHING.
I really love you. Like, more than tequila...& we both know that's my favorite.
This whole brainwashing thing is easy!
He has an 8 pack! HE HAS AN 8 PACK!!!!
Randomize
