Soo i just shotgunned a water balloon...
guys i just found a dildo in the laundry room and its purple
whats a dildo? isnt that like a fancy piece of bread?
The solution to mudbutt is never ever Clorox wipes. It stings soooooooo bad.
he fingered my asshole thinking it was my vag...I couldn't bring myself to tell him, mostly from shame for me and pity for him
so when we got to the frat house he had a travel sized toothpaste and toothbrush for me and gave me a pair of his shorts and a girl's sorority t shirt...something tells me he's done this before
my hippie aunt just sent me some brownies with a note saying not to eat them under any circumstances until finals are over. excited.
We convinced him to snort an altoid. We should not be allowed to drink together
That's the point dumbass, I can't use my boss as a reference cause they'd have to fucking call him in prison.
Listen it's no longer the walk of shame to class when ur leaving the frat house and the brothers ask "when are coming back home"
I feel like one thing if I have going for me is that my bed looks like a nice place to have sex
It was like, once I started flashing you, I couldn't stop.
EX BOYFRIEND'S TWINS WERE BORN TODAY. THIS CALLS FOR A MARG.
She stood up through my sunroof the entire drive home. screaming her ass off and singing free falling..
hey, so i dont know your name. but im guessing we had sex last night. seeing that you're in my phone as "had sex time thursty thursday guy"
This is getting exciting. I almost wanna turn off all the lights, get some popcorn, and stare at my phone screen to see if she's going to say yes or not
And on a much sadder note, I'm way to drunk for this right now
Randomize
